I need an extended warranty for this thing

"This thing" being my body. The original warranty seems to have worn out, and I want to get the warranty for an additional 100,000 miles. Or something.

You see, last week my back started to bother me - a sharp stabbing pain under my right shoulder blade. It hurt worse when I was laying down, so getting a good night's sleep became a challenge. Sneezing and coughing hurt too, so I figured if it was a rib out. My hubby convinced me to go to the chiropractor, which in hindsight may not have been the best idea.

The chiro took a few x-rays (wow, my back is crooked!) and asked me if I'd had any trauma recently. We'd spent the weekend working on the barn, but I didn't fall, jar anything, or feel anything go "pop!" as we were working, so I said no. I also rode a couple of times last week, but I didn't do anything unusual, so again I said no. He started to ask me about riding and what I did, so I told him about jumping and foxhunting and jousting and such. He listened for a bit, and then he said, "So do you want to change your answer about not having any trauma?"

I explained to him that I hadn't fallen off a horse since fall 2009 (foxhunting). I've never lost consciousness, had a concussion, or broken a bone. He asked me how many times I'd fallen off, and I looked at him like he was crazy: I've been riding for 25 years - I lost count a while back, thank you very much.

Clearly, this guy doesn't get out much. Or have much excitement in his life.

Anywho, he tried to adjust me, and it didn't work. As a result of his attempts, I literally couldn't get up off the table for several minutes, and then not without help. I couldn't breathe the pain was so bad. I've never been one to take painkillers, but let me tell you I would have happily taken a large dose at that point. After he tried several more times from several different angles, I finally told him I'd had enough (I was white-faced and gasping for air at this point). He agreed and did some laser therapy to get the muscles to calm down, and sent me home. I could barely drive, and naturally, the hubby was out of town. I sort of fumbled around, very slowly fed and watered the animals as best I could (there was no way I could pick up a hay bale or even stuff a hay net), and went in to get dinner and keel over on the couch with a heating pad and a lot of ibuprofen. Fortunately the hubby returned from his trip late that night and took care of everyone, but wow... I need a backup, just in case I can't do something myself.

The short version of the story is that the chiro now thinks I have a cracked rib - awesome. It's getting better day by day, so that's good, but I slept sitting up for most of last week and went through quite a lot of Advil. I did, however, ride this weekend (back was fine) and am back in business feeding and whatnot. I'm being much more careful of myself, though, which is probably a good thing, seeing as how I don't think you can actually get an extended warranty for yourself. Bummer.