Tuesday, December 9, 2014

I'm having a love affair... with my right rein

I’ve been hiding this for some time, but I finally have to come clean: I’m having a love affair with my right rein.

Logically, I know I need to get over my attachment and just let it go, at least a little. I mean, Paddy needs some space, and I understand that. He needs to be able to find his own balance, and my attachment is holding us both back. But it’s so hard to give something up … when you’re used to holding on so hard.

What’s worse is that my husband knows - my trainer told him at our last lesson. He said he knew that I’d been trying to hide it from him, but that it was totally obvious, even to him. But he loves me, and says that he accepts me, flaws and all. Still, he hopes that in time I’ll learn to let it go, at least a little.

And I know I should let it go. I mean, it’s damaging to my relationships – with my trainer, with my husband, but most of all, with Paddy. The fact that I can’t let go… well, it’s stifling our communication. It’s keeping us from making any forward progress, and that’s never a good sign.

So somehow, some way, I have to train myself to do without. I’m not going to go cold turkey – I just don’t think I’m strong enough, and it wouldn’t be good for Paddy either. But just a little less every day. A little less of a death grip, a little more of a gentle friendly relationship. I know it’s what Paddy wants, even though he doesn’t ever really tell me in words. But I know, deep down, that it’s the right thing. For both of us.

Do it for the Haffie. (Photo courtesy of Lauren Mauldin)
 
Sigh. Why is this sort of thing always so difficult?

28 comments:

  1. I know it feels right... but it's so, so wrong.

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  2. Is it really a mistake? We all do things for reasons.

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    Replies
    1. Sometimes the reasons aren't good enough. Besides, I can justify almost anything.

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  3. breaking up is hard to do.... ;)

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  4. I know it seems easier, but it's just not meant to be...

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    Replies
    1. You're right... I have to do it - for both of us.

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  5. The left side of Paddy's face feels left out :-(

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    Replies
    1. Good point. Fairness is important.

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  6. "It's not you, it's me."

    Good luck in your break up!

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  7. This is me and my left rein.... I'm still hoping no one finds out about my darkest secret.

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    Replies
    1. Maybe we should get together and commiserate.

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  8. Good Lord is that a cute pic of Paddy! My favorite so far!

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    Replies
    1. Lauren took a million adorable pics of Paddy. I am lucky to have so many!

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  9. How will your right rein survive without you there to support it? This could end in tears... but good luck.
    Serious suggestion - change your reins for rope reins while schooling. The completely different feel might help you break old habits.

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    Replies
    1. I'm just constantly practicing letting go and relaxing. Slowly but surely, it seems to be working!

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  10. When we successfully end our relationships, your right rein and my left rein can go get sloppy drunk together and talk about how much they miss us.

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    Replies
    1. HELL TO THE YES. How about sometime near the end of February? My place?

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  11. Apart from welcoming you to the club of dressage riders never ending problems club - Paddy looks GORGEOUS in this pic! I think I should cut Hafl's mane IMMEDIATELY!!! That looks so nice <3

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    Replies
    1. The pic was from this spring, and his mane is much more unruly now, but thanks!

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  12. "Right rein... I wish I knew how to quit you..." ;D

    Maybe you could replace RR with constantly leaning a smidge to the left?

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    Replies
    1. I wish there was a patch or gum or something...

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