Logically, I know I need to get over my attachment and just let it go, at least a little. I mean, Paddy needs some space, and I understand that. He needs to be able to find his own balance, and my attachment is holding us both back. But it’s so hard to give something up … when you’re used to holding on so hard.
What’s worse is that my husband knows - my trainer told him at our last lesson. He said he knew that I’d been trying to hide it from him, but that it was totally obvious, even to him. But he loves me, and says that he accepts me, flaws and all. Still, he hopes that in time I’ll learn to let it go, at least a little.
And I know I should let it go. I mean, it’s damaging to my relationships – with my trainer, with my husband, but most of all, with Paddy. The fact that I can’t let go… well, it’s stifling our communication. It’s keeping us from making any forward progress, and that’s never a good sign.
So somehow, some way, I have to train myself to do without. I’m not going to go cold turkey – I just don’t think I’m strong enough, and it wouldn’t be good for Paddy either. But just a little less every day. A little less of a death grip, a little more of a gentle friendly relationship. I know it’s what Paddy wants, even though he doesn’t ever really tell me in words. But I know, deep down, that it’s the right thing. For both of us.
Do it for the Haffie. (Photo courtesy of Lauren Mauldin)
Sigh. Why is this sort of thing always so difficult?